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Daily Journal End

3/16/97. Daily Journal Sunday. I donít feel so good, not only in body but also in heart.

3/17/97. Daily Journal Monday. I was sick last night in the bathroom. The Lord certainly has taken care of me in this life; I have no idea why He has chosen to take care of me in such a fashion. And now I want to get on a path to serve Him with all that I am.

3/18/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. I took 2 naps and they were longer than usual. I think that this is the result of the insulin. Tomorrow Brian is coming over after that it is full study for more than a week, I have to find something out for myself.

3/19/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. I went to the mall with Brian today we had a good time as usual; he gets all excited about the government just as I do. So we sometimes have some lively conversations, we have people looking at us sometimes I am sure that they think that we are arguing.

3/20/97. Daily Journal Thursday. It is 5 PM and I am completely bored, I donít even feel like solitaire, of course I should put in that I have already played this afternoon for about 2 hours. Weather-wise it is a very nice day; I took a small ride to N.Adams. I guess maybe the boredom will pass; who knows everyday it is different.

3/22/97. Daily Journal Saturday. Danny was over for a little while, it is always good to have him come over for a visit, he had to leave to go to work. I believe that he is pleased that I am getting some interest in chess back. I donít think that it will ever be like it was once, but it is becoming fun again. Right now it is snowing again. Will this winter ever end??

3/23/97. Daily Journal Sunday. A very good day and I have no complaints, now howís that grab you?

3/25/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. I am at this time not very happy, I called my children to see what time they wanted me to deliver the little presents to the kids for Easter. They were all very short with me, and there were no invites for dinner or anything else for that day. Kelly couldnít talk with me because she had to go right out and do her wash, she couldnít come to the phone for a few seconds? It seems that they are to spend the day at their motherís house for Shawnís birthday, I donít mind that, but the way thay treated me leaves a lot to be desired. The only thing that Shayne was concerned with was that he didnít know about the birthday party and started talking about how he was not invited to the party, I was glad to get off the phone with him.

3/28/97. Daily Journal Friday. I donít know why but I didnít do much of the things that I wanted to do. I talked to Will on the phone for a while today about chess on the Internet. I have always gotten along with Will. It is very nice day weather wise, everything is melting so now I have ruts in my driveway; I had to wait until spring to get them. Second entry. Steve just came over, it seems that he and Kelly will be buying Carols house, I really hope that they get it; it would be nice to see them have a house of their own. And it seems that it just might happen, Steve was very excited they must all be very excited. I am glad that they think enough of me that they would even value my opinion, at all.

3/30/97. Daily Journal Sunday. Sunday about noon, I went up to Dannyís this morning Shawn and Shayne and a little later Tara came in and of course Colleen was there; it was very nice for me. We all had a nice chat while Shawn played with the computer; Brianna tried to bean most of us with this paddleball that she was playing with. Evan was very busy; of course with Shayne there he was fully occupied. Happy Easter!

4/1/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. Today first I had to get my syringes, I had used my last one yesterday. I had to get over to the bank first because I had no money at all; it took me at least 45 minuets to just get the snow off of the car. By the time I got done I really felt bad, shaky and a lot of other things, then I went to the bank and their computer was down. But the pretty little woman at the teller station let me have what I needed. Then I was off to brooks for the syringes, I really felt that they made me wait for nothing, then what seemed like forever, they gave them to me. They were $40, I took them home immediately and took my shot, I was beginning to feel real bad, and so I laid down in the front room for a while. After a while I began to feel better, so I went out to do the monthly grocery shopping, I think that I did well. I got home and put everything away, which took a while. I called Calgary about my appointment for the car, and as a result got to go a little earlier than I should have been able too. It seemed like they took forever with the car, but they serviced it and did the inspection, I hate getting cars inspected, but that is over for a year. Then I went back to the bank to pick up my bankbook and see that pretty little woman again. Finally I was home, Danny was here working upon the computer. I lay down for a while but didnít fall asleep which I thought I was going to. And then Brian showed up we had some chicken and a good talk; we talked mainly about Godís Word. All in all it could be called a very full day. Hopefully I wonít even leave the house for at least a week, we will see.

4/3/97. Daily Journal Thursday. Today is the day that I started in the GE, if I were still there this would be my 30th anaversy. Isnít that great, I wonder what I was like that day, what was I thinking, and what kind of a guy was I? I know one thing, on that day I could never had guessed where I would have been in life on this day 30 years later. I went to the mall to see Brian and we had a good time as usual, but he can still say the dumbest things that I have ever heard anyone else say, ever!

4/4/97. Daily Journal Friday. I got Dionís tape today, he doesnít understand almost anything, In my tape I was talking about an optimist and a pessimist. Like is the glass half empty or half full, the optistmist always says that it is half full, and the opposite for the pessimist, and he had no idea of what was being said about this. Why do I keep this communication up, now he is talking about talking 3 or 4 nights a week on the computer.

4/7/97. Daily Journal Monday. A very good day of study, a fantastic day of study, like I say enough times in my studies, all you have to do is to ask. and our great God is there for you. I evidently had enough sense to ask this day of 4-7-97. I love you Lord, I have nothing better to say or I would, one day I will. It is now 10 PM and I am very ready to go to bed, tomorrow is another day.

4/8/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. Today was very windy, down at the Mall the wind was blowing the sand from the winter around, it blew in your eyes and in your mouth it ground between your teeth, it was not fun. This wind also was cold, and it was rocking my car and to rock my car it had to be blowing very hard. Other than that I had a very good day, I enjoyed going out with my sister today.

4/11/97. Daily Journal Friday. I started my new study today and it went very well, it should end very near the end of the year. I called my sister to go out today, she didnít want to. I am feeling like she sees me as her little dupe, when she wants to go out I am suppose to jump. But otherwise we go by her rules. I just donít have a very good track record with women, and for the most part it must be my fault. Tonight I am very lonely, and I hate it, please Lord help me, I say that because I would very much leave this world, but that would hurt my family. Even though I am an idiot, they still care for me.

4/18/97. Daily Journal Friday. I have no idea why I have not made an entry in a week; well I am here now. The weather is terrible, here it is half way through April and it is cold wet and snowing almost all day, and it is supposed to continue into tomorrow. I have a problem, I am having a problem attending Debies graduation, but maybe I can get a ride there and then maybe get a bus ride home. I have been talking to the kids about it, but they have been changing their plans. So we will see what happens.

4/19/97. Daily Journal Saturday. A very strange day indeed, I did my readings and did my Pastor Chuck, but for the most part the day was chaos. By this I mean some days I have a problem, making the smallest decision, and I have no idea why. Well today was one of them; I was all right while reading and studying Godís Word or doing Pastor Chuckís tape study. But when doing anything else even going for a ride complete chaos. I wonder, if, someone ever reads these journals, if they will ever understand most of the things that I am saying. One thing that stands out about today I did learn a lot about my drinking that I sometimes wondered about, but didnít really know.

4/23/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. I was just in the package store and I saw Margaretís daughter, we were talking about Debieís graduation from college. Today my sister wanted to go to the Mall again, I know that Bernie is away on his job, but I am not going out all the time. There are times that I want to go and she thinks nothing of telling me she doesnít want to go.

4/24/97. Daily Journal Thursday. Today I suddenly got the answer to the problems that I was having with money it wasnít a big deal but it was very bothersome, and was bothering me all the time. I went out just to ride around and I was thinking about having to charge more tiers at Artís gragrage. Which I didnít want to do and I really donít think that he was pleased with that prospect either. And I already still owed him for the other tires, and I did have a few bills behind, so on the spur of the moment, I applied for a loan at my bank. I didnít think that I would get it, but guess what, I did get it in only a few minuets. I really think that it was an inspiration from God; you see He knew how badly this being behind was affecting me. Now on to the really good stuff, Danny has found a way to convert my old disks so that I can read them on my computer. This also saves me a lot of money, and makes me very happy; so that I can now continue some of the studies that there was a lot of information on the old disks.

4/25/97. Daily Journal Friday. This morning I went to the mall with my sister, but first we went to the Barnes and noble bookstore, we had coffee it was nice. I informed the lady in Sears of Dannyís discovery and I donít think that she was happy with that disclosure. Well, thatís life; you see she would have made some money out of selling me all that other stuff that she said that I needed.

4/27/97. Daily Journal Sunday. Danny came down today before he went to work, you donít find very many young men that will devote their free time to their father, I never did. We are in the process of fixing up the files just the way I have always wanted them. When we are done I will be able to read all of my old disks in this machine. The people in Sears told me this couldnít ever be done that which he is doing. I wonder why they told me that, I think that they wanted to sell me some machines that I didnít need.

4/29/97, Daily Journal Tuesday. Today I went to the mall with my sister, we had a good time, and I tried not to talk about my studies too much.

5/4/97. Daily journal Monday. I paid all the bills, always a thrill, tomorrow I will probably do some wash, another tremendous thrill. Today it is very nice out; maybe we will have spring after all. In fact I have been out side twice all ready. I was nice to myself and went to get me a pizza, and it was great! I have been thinking about the nice young men that have been visiting me every few days, they want to baptize me, I knew that this is where they were going toward. I donít think that I need that and have told them that. I love God with all my heart and have already been baptized in the church. And simply donít see any more sigifinace to theirs than the one that I already have.

5/7/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. A long and boring day and tonight looks the same so far, I donít know why but some days are so lonely that I donít know what to do to relieve it. I thinking starting tomorrow at night I am going to learn how to play some of the games in this computer instead of just solitaire. There are a lot of other things in here that I can us and donít.

5/12/97. Daily Journal Monday. I went to my appointment with Clutz, he says that the toe is much better, so I will always have to be checking on it, but thatís not so bad. After that I went to the mall to see Brian, and we had a good time, we usually do for the most part. Heís still having trouble with his wife, I feel sorry for them both, but there is nothing to be done. They need a counselor, a professional. So here I am again.

5/14/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. Today I took Danny and little Evan down to the mall we had a good time, and I bought a copier; Dannyís coming down tonight for a while to help me with it.Debi called tonight and we agreed that it would be better if I didnít try to go to her graduation, but I will see her this summer for a while. Steve and little Stevie borrowed my car for his practice at Mt. greylock, and they should be back soon.

5/18/97. Daily Journal Sunday. Danny came over and tried to help me with my computer, He spends more time with me than I ever did with my father. I saw Claire at Stop and Shop, and she wants a copy of Debieís graduation, I donít mind, that tape really came out great.

5/22/97. Daily Journal Thursday. I just got the call from Debi that she is here and safe. I know that they are all grownups but at the same time especially when they are traveling I worry about them. I will see her for breakfast tomorrow, which will be nice.

5/25/97. Daily Journal Sunday. I have been out for about every day since I saw Debi a few days ago, Saturday Kim and I went out and had a real good time, and we talk about everything. Today I was down to the mall with Brian, and we had a good time as usual. Kim and I ate supper at the Country Buffet, and today Brian and I had supper at the Ground round. And here I am 6 PM and ready for solitaire.

5/28/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. Today I went out with my sister to the mall and I told her that Kim was made girl of the year at the awards banquet last night. I am proud of my children and grand childrenís accomplishments. Danny was down for a few minuets this evening; heís going back to college. He was here to update the computer and he did; now all I have to do is to learn all that he did and learn to use it.

5/29/97. Daily Journal Thursday. I have the computer as organized as it is ever going to be so on with the studies, thanks to Danny.

5/30/97. Daily Journal Friday. I installed my new CD on learning to read Hebrew, and it works well and I am sure that I will have a very good time with it.

6/1/97. Daily Journal Sunday. Well this is Kellyís birthday; I told her that she ruined the show the fugitive for me that night so long ago now. She is an interesting person and the world would be a worse place with out her. If you ever read this Kelly just remember that I love you.

6/7/97. Daily Journal Saturday. Today was Evanís birthday party at what used to be fishpond, I can tell you this that being there brought back a lot of memories of my childhood. This place is where we practically grew up, in the summer we spent everyday there. O there was Butch Barn Heart Billy OíBrian, and Paul Monett; we had some good times there, we were always doing something. But as to the party it self, Claire was there and that as always brings back a lot of memories. And I had no choice but to sit right next to her and her husband. Other than that it was an interesting afternoon, the kids had a great time for themselves. Kim was taking care of Evan, he just loves her, Stevie was playing Frisbee with his father, and Michael was entertaining himself with a little wagon. None of the family seems to care for Tara, but thatís family, isnít it?

6/10/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. I went to the mall with my sister, I guess we had a good day, nothing interesting happened, except for some reason I hurt a lot arthritis type. Tonight is very lonely what can I tell you, Brian says that I am lonely and that is the reason that I call him all the time well we will try to fix that, the worst thing is that he is right. But I think that I can cure a lot of that with my studies, which I am about to dive into. I look forward to tomorrowís entry. This room will be very nice when the fan is up; it really made a great difference in the kitchen.

6/11/97. Daily Journal Wednesday.I went to Stevieís baseball game he got a very good hit, that boy is a real athlete.

6/12/97. Daily Journal Thursday. Today as I was pulling out of my sisterís road we almost had a very bad accident and it would have been my fault. So now I am seriously worried about my vision having to do with driving. The first time I looked down the road I honestly didnít see the car coming, then when I looked again as I was actually pulling out I looked again and there he was bearing down on us at about 60 miles an hour. I am sure this car would have killed me, and maybe my sister, and it would have been my fault, period. So now I have a lot to think about.

6/15/97. Daily Journal Sunday I have found out how to use the colors, compliments of Kim. She and Stevie were her playing with the computer; they were here for a couple of hours. Kelly came over to wish me happy Fathers day, Danny also was over today and I heard from Shayne and Debi on the phone. Maybe Shawn will call later.

6/17/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. Happy birthday, 55 years old, I never thought that I would ever be 55, O well here I am. Kelly sent me some balloonís that was very nice of her; she is a very thoughtful person. Kim and Stevie called me to wish me a happy birthday; Danny called me from work for the same reason. Debi, Shawn, and Shayne called for both Fathers day and my birthday Sunday.

6/21/97. Daily Journal Saturday. Today is the hottest day of the year so far it is above 90, and very sunny. My sister called up to complain about the heat, Arthur also was complaining about it, I am just happy that it is not winter anymore. I have been doing a lot of thinking about Dionís tape lately he is saying a lot of things that I cannot agree with, and he thinks that I do. A distressing situation, I feel that soon I am going have to set him straight.

6/26/97. Daily Journal Thursday. I went to the mall with my sister and did a dumb thing I borrowed $20 from her for a dopey reason. Brian thinks that what I need is a girlfriend; I think that I will pass. Well the fans are up and that makes me glad, I also put another air conditioner into the front room, so the place will not be hot anymore. Now I can live in prefect comfort year round.

6/29/97. Daily Journal Sunday. I had a good day of study as was yesterday, today was in James, I love doing these especially now that they are all in the computer. I donít understand all of that but I have a son that does so I am all set.

7/4/97. Yesterday I went to the mall with Kim and Stevie and we had lunch at Bonanza. It was nice to take them out. Today the weather is just great a perfect day, nice and warm with a lot of sun and a breeze. I went out for a couple of rides, it was a very boring 4th of July, theres nothing to do anymore there used to be a great deal to do in Williamstown there was a carnival and all kinds of stuff. But mostly the kids ruined it all over the years. O well the day is almost over, it wonít make me unhappy to go to bed and have it over with.

7/5/97. Daily Journal Saturday. Today I went down to the mall to see Brian, I am sad to say that he is very angry over the things that are happening in his divorce, I donít blame him, but there is nothing to be done except to frustrate himself more and more. We had a few laughs but for the most part he was busy being mad at his wife. I have a long Saturday night ahead of me, but you know in reality, really I probably do prefer being alone even though I do complain about it. I donít know if anyone understands this statement, or even if I do, but there are times that I am happy to be alone in my little place. I just love being here alone sometimes, one day I wonít have to worry about it anymore.

7/7/97. Daily Journal Monday. Today I went to the car place and didnít get very far; they just donít want to give enough for the car. So I am just going to forget about it, and pay for the car, and then we will see. But for now I am going to forget about trading it. I am listening to Pastor Chuck, saying how Satan will try with all his might to convince you that God does not care for you, and this is a lie of Satanís for all of us.

7/8/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. Today Kim had her operation on her knee, she seems to be doing all right, it is quarter to 6 and I just came home from seeing her. Today the weather was just about perfect; I keep thinking that winter is just around the corner. Tomorrow I start Ezekiel.

7/10/97. Today was a good day of study in Ezekiel, I am getting started again, I am very glad to be doing this kind of a thing. The weather was very nice today; it was so nice that I took a ride way up on the Mohawk trail where we used to take the kids to throw rocks in the water. I had a funny experience there; as soon as I was out of the car I was apprehensive of my surroundings. I have never felt that way there before, I must really be getting older. I think tomorrow I will take a walk; I know that I need too.

7/11/97. Daily Journal Friday. Tomorrow is little Michaelís birthday party at Fish Pond.

7/16/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. For the last few days it has been terribly hot and humid, it has been almost 100 and not lower than 80, at night it is 70 or so and that is only late at night. I got a tape from Dion, he doesnít know anything, I explained all about the three days and nights of Jesus in the heart of the earth but he doesnít get it.

7/18/97. Daily Journal Friday. Today I went to the mall and meant Brian there we had a good time as usual, although he keeps talking about his wife and this person that he thinks that she is seeing. I am afraid there could be real trouble there, sometime.

7/21/97. Daily Journal Monday. Brian was supposed to come up today for breakfast, but was unable to because his wife took his new car and went to his sisters house and would not give it back, she wants the car and wants him to pay for it. He called his lawyer and he told Brian to just sit tight, that seems like that is going to be hard to do in their situation. So I went to the mall and meant him for coffee, we went to the Barnes and Noble bookstore. We had a good time once he started to calm down. I want to believe that I bought my last beer today, maybe!?!

7/22/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. Today Brian came up here for breakfast, I am sure that he enjoyed it, we had eggs and sausage and my potatoes. Then we went for a walk in Williamstown, Brian had to back track to the gas station to go to the bathroom. We had a nice walk then we went to the mall, all in all a good day for me, most of the day Brian hollered about his wife. They are really having one awful time with their divorce,

7/24/97. Daily Journal Thursday. I went to the mall with Brian, he is having an awful time with this divorce, and tomorrow he is having a meeting with his lawyer. This afternoon Danny came down for a while. He is working on a way that I can speak my documents into the computer, one day this will be very helpful to me. Kim and Stevie wanted to go out to lunch but Danny was down so we didnít go.

7/28/97. Daily Journal Monday. Weatherize today was perfect, Kim and I went to the mall and then went to Barnes and Noble bookstore, we were there about 2 hours. Kim really likes this store, we had a good time there, after that we went to the Country Buffet and had lunch. We had a nice discussion about the prophets of the Bible. We came home through N.Adams and had a nice leisurely ride and just all in all had a nice time together.††† Second entry. Kelly just called me to thank me for taking Kim out today. Thatís no chore I love the kid. It was very nice of Kelly to call, I really felt good about things after that. Kim told Kelly that she had a good time I was glad to hear that.

7/30/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. I called my sister today [I should not have] she was very short with me, I will not make that mistake again, I donít know if we are done but we are indeed close. I had a nice talk with the bank; we will resolve this problem with this car payment I am sure. I want to live for our Lord for the rest of my life, I am So.ís to speak, going to redouble my efforts, this is what I need, and I know it.

8/1/97. Daily Journal Friday. I got John on the phone today he is going to call me back week after next, so was Clarence, so we will see he seems eager to tell me how easy he had it with his retirement as opposed to my time doing this.I talked to Brian today, he is having a real bad time with this divorce, I am supposed to see him tomorrow, so we will see how things are going. Today is the first; I am going to really try to stop drinking, [as I have said before] we will see!!

8/2/97. Daily Journal Saturday. I went down to see Brian today; he is having real troubles over this divorce, now he has hired a detective, who is draining him for money. I am learning from his troubles that know one cares for anyone elseís problems unless they can get something from your problems. I did talk to him about his brother, and he agreed that what his brother said was stupid. It was a real nice day and I ate out at the mall. Tonight will be long, Brian thinks what I do is dumb; he asked me what I was going to be doing tonight. I admit that there are not a lot of people that could be happy doing what I do. But thatís the way that it is, all I want to do is to gain a better and a better understanding of God and His Son Jesus

8/3/97. Daily Journal Sunday. I took Kellyís family to the Old Country Buffet for breakfast. We all had a good time, if only it was not so far away, everybody enjoyed themselves thatís the kind of thing that I like to do. On the way down we saw a large Bear, out near the old 1896 house, everybody was excited about this happening. The Bear was under a tree eating apples, he sure looked like he was having a good time. This was a Pastor Chuck afternoon, I am sorry to say that I slept through a lot of it, I will be glad when this study is over.

8/6/97. Daily Journal Wednesday.Today while I was making breakfast, and in prayer God let me know what was the cause of my marriage ending the way that it didÖ††

8/8/97. Daily Journal Friday. Today I took my sister to the mall and we had no trouble, things are definitely getting better between us and that is good, I want to get along it does neither of any good not too. The weather today was beautiful and this evening is just great, maybe Iíll even sit out for a while. I actually feel good howís that grab you? Tomorrow Isaiah.

8/10/97. Daily Journal Sunday.I saw Brian at the mall today in the afternoon and he surely is having one awful time of this divorce. Just as a note; he now has a restraining order against his wife; this is terrible! I am praying for them, I have no other idea that will help them. Todayís weather was very nice, beautiful in fact.

8/13/97. Daily journal Wednesday. Today Kim and Kelly have come over to see this computer.

8/17/97 Daily Journal Sunday. Well all this weekend I didnít see Brian or his brother, by the way his brother I could live very well without. As result I had a nice and quiet weekend. Kelly went away with Steve to Hampton Beach; I hope they had a good time. I didnít do the studying that I had wanted to but I will.O well August is going and so winter is coming on very fast.

8/21/97. Daily Journal Thursday. I went up to see Danny. Evan is something, and Brianna is getting big. Danny is going to have some vacation and he says that he is going to spend some time with me.

8/24/97. Daily Journal Sunday. Today I was going to study but today Brian came over, but it was all right we went for a walk and had a good time, he hollered about his divorce but not as much as other times. The weather today was one word, great. I called my sister and told her that I was sick and wasnít going to go for a while, I donít know I just donít have a good time going with her anymore. I can explain it, but I just donít want to be bothered.

8/27/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. Today is an important day to me because this is the day I was laid off in 1993, I was very upset that day, and I never thought that this day would come. I thought that I would retire from the GE sometime; I never dreamed that I would get laid off with 26.5 years of service. I remember that day with great detail, especially when I was leaving the shop for the last time. I had no idea what would happen to me, least of all that I would turn out to be a writer of Godís Word. This I had never thought of, but here I am and want to be.

8/29/97. Daily Journal Friday. Well today I bought a brand new truck, a nice maroon one. It set me back quit a bit, but it is worth it. Now maybe I can get on track, so far I showed it too Kellyís family and Shayneís family. I am having a good time, and I donít see why I shouldnít!

8/30/97. Daily Journal Saturday. Well today I spent most of the day at my sisters house, I had a good time talking with Matt and Steve about my new truck. I had a good time there; I had a sausage sandwich and some beans and potato salad. Those little kids are great and very beautiful. After I came home I called Brian to confirm about his coming down tomorrow, I really wanted him to come down and see the truck, so I told him that I had a supries for him. So he came down thinking that he was going get his $ 20 back and that is what he said, [I will never do that again, believe me]. As he saw the truck the first words out of his mouth were, how much the payment a month is?

9/2/97. Daily Journal Tuesday.I took Steve and Kim out and bought them both sneakers. They are good kids and I told Kelly that tonight; we had a nice talk.

9/3/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. I found a place that I could buy things for my truck. I really like the new truck, but I think that they cheated me.

9/5/97. Daily Journal Friday. Today I saw my car driven off of the Hadad lot I think that they sold it already, I bet that they made a lot of money from it. O well I really like the truck and plan to have it a very long time. I went over to the grage and Arthur let me put it up on the lift so that I could see the underneath of it, it was funny he and I had a good time looking it all over at least he knew what he was talking about. I even took a walk through the mall, I really got myself a suprise in Sears I went to the place where they sell the computers, and told the one armed guy working there today about what happened with my mouse yesterday, and he just gave me a brand new mouse, [its got to be worth at least $50], and he just handed it to me without paper work or anything [that really surprised me].†† †††

9/6/97 Daily Journal Saturday. Today my step-ups came in. Iím giving Dennis a 30 pack of beer for putting them on; he should do it soon. Heís a good guy. I am not lonely and it feels good, I did not hear from Brian for the last week, maybe heís mad at me.

9/15/97. Daily Journal Monday. I went to see all my doctorís; 9AM: Dr. Clutz said I was doing all right, 9:30: Dr. Porvanjano eye doctor, he said that I was doing very well, [very suprising], and last but not least Dr. Corkins, he is satisfied with my progress, [just amazing] considering how I actually take care of myself.

9/22/97 Daily Journal Monday.Tomorrow will be a brand new day for me and the Lord..

9/24/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. Today I took Kim and Steve down to the country Buffet and had lunch this is Steves favorite place.

9/28/97. Daily Journal Sunday.I taught Kim to drive my truck, and she did very well, she will have no trouble with it I am sure. She was excited when she got home and told Kelly and Steve. Steve says that he will come over for coffee; he is out of work again for his back. Steve took Steve and went looking for the boyís golf clubs, and they found what they were looking for.

9/29/97. Daily Journal Monday. Well today was long and boring, and this evening looks like it will be mostly the same. The weather started out raining, and lasted long into the day. I went out for a couple of rides, I do this when I am really at a loss to do anything better. I was afraid to use the computer because there was thunder out in the distance. But the night still continues, something may happen yet; there will probably be a shoot out right here in front of the house; who knows; you never know? Do you know what I am saying?

10/5/97. Daily Journal Sunday. Yesterday and today I took Kim out driving she is doing very well of course today we almost hit a tree in the Southview cemetery. She is enjoying this and I am also.†††††

10/6/97. Daily Journal Monday. Shayne and Danny are here to go for a run, I had a problem with the computer but Danny figured it right out. He was down this afternoon; he did a lot for me by putting in almost the last of my documents.

10/9/97. Daily Journal Thursday. I found Pastor Chuck on the Internet, it was quit a discovery, I didnít do anything with it, but there is a lot of information there so I am sure that I will spend a lot of time there.

10/12/97. Daily Journal Sunday. It is 11 AM looks like it is going to be real good day weather wise. I have discovered that the Jeremiah commentary I wanted to write in this journal is too much to do right now; so maybe next year.

10/13/97 Daily Journal Monday. Danny just finished putting in the last of my Daily Journals, I am very happy over this, he also put in the Pastor Chuck tapes, and everything is now in the computer. Second entry. I have been looking over my old entries and they seem to be better than these new ones, so lets go back to that. Today I have been thinking about how my life was when I was small, it is not a good thing to be thinking about. My father came home drunk and just did terrible things, I think what started this kind of thinking was a show on Ophra today; she was having a show about disturbed children. I never thought that anything like this applied to me, until today, they were describing me as a child. I hate to say it but I fit what they were saying about these kinds of kids.

10/14/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. Today I took my sister to the mall and stop and shop we had a good time, except that I had a lot of pain and had to sit down a lot, I have no idea how I would ever work anymore.

.10/17/97. Daily Journal Friday. Boy, 89 pages of these journals thatís really an accomplishment for me, I donít know how big these will be, but it looks that they will be written as long as I can do them.†††

10/18/1997. Daily Journal Saturday. I didnít hear from Brian, and I donít really mind, his interests are not mine and I think that I am rapidly growing tired of him. He talks nonsense, and I donít need to be aggravated all the time. Weather wise today was very nice indeed. Now I hope to have my last beers, have we heard this before?Possibly!

10/20/97. Daily Journal Monday. Today I took my sister to the mall we had a good time, but toward the last of the day I had a great deal of pain. I try not to let it interfere but sometimes you cannot help it. Weather wise it is very nice outside, and I am really enjoying the truck, they say that there will be snow toward the end of the week, and then we will check out the truck.

10/26/97. Daily Journal Sunday. Today was a very good day, and better than that even, Stevie called this morning and stated that he and Kim were going to take me out to lunch, on them. So we went down to the country Buffet, and we really had a good time, just being able to go with them is so great to me I love them so. But like I explained it too them, 10 years from now [when they are all grown], I will be able to be doing the same thing with [My now little grandchildren], because at that time they will be the age that Kim and Steve are now. My God I thank you with all my heart for the life that you have given me. ďPLEASEĒ make me do your will in my life.

10/30/97. Daily Journal Thursday. When I was a boy this night was caslled cabbage stalk night and we really did some damage, I did quite a lot myself, it wasnít right it was just the way things were. Today I took my truck or its first servicing at 3,000 miles; I intend to keep this truck for a very long time. Maybe even the rest of my life. This world [if I didnít have my faith in God] would be a very frightening place; I would be waiting for the worst everyday. I would love to see my grandchildren grow up but I just donít know.

11/1/97. Daily Journal Saturday.I see the possibility of my going through the tribulation.

11/3/97. Daily Journal Monday. Today I took my sister to the mall we had a good time until she started on my son in law Steve. She canít wait to rip that guy down. I donít know why she is like that but I am getting tired of it and today she ripped my truck down. If she tells me that one of her children is having troubles I am right there trying to be supportive, I donít do what she does by trying to make the situation as worse as it could possibly be.††††††

11/11/97 Daily Journal Tuesday.Danny came down and we had a good time kidding around, he did some things with the computer, and fixed up those gray squiggly lines, they were driving me nuts. Kim and Steve took me out for lunch as usual we had a great time.††

11/13/97 Daily Journal Thursday. I took my sister to the mall today, she is still trying to get information on Steve and Kelley wonít she ever give up. I donít try to pry into their problems and they are my children, and yet she feels as though she has that right, she does not. I would like to get some money to help Steve and Kelly, I will know tomorrow at 10 AM.

11/14/97. Daily Journal Friday. Today I drove my new truck in snow for the first time it preformed great, it was like driving in the summer, it didnít slip at all anywhere. On Main Street in NAdams I stopped at the monument and took off with no problem and that is very steep. In short I was like a kid with a new toy.

11/15/97. Daily Journal Saturday. A cold day but a good day I took the tires to the garage to get rid of them may be Art will give them to the young guy that works for him. This morning Kim and Steve went to breakfast with me to the Misty moonlight. I enjoy it; one day they will be all grown up and busy with their own families.

11/19/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. Kim and Steve had a half day at school so we went out and had a very good time. We went to the mall and bought the rest of Briannaís Christmas gifts. And then we went to Barnes and Noble and I got a couple more of the prophecy books; they will be part of my new studies. Those start tomorrow. From tomorrow on the daily journal should be quite different.†††

11/20/97. Daily Journal Thursday. My sister called about 8 AM and we went out to eat at the Chefís Hat, I love going there for breakfast I always get the same thing but I really like doing that. Then we went to the mall and in Hills I got my new candle, and it is a beauty it has three wicks, Iíll probably have it all of my life. I tried one of those new roasts from Stop and Shop; it very good. Tomorrow every thing is to be new and great. 11/21/97. Daily Journal Saturday. Brian came down today and stayed almost the whole day, we had a good day, it was nice. We had some spigattie for supper it came out really good; even Kelly thought it was real good.

11/22/97. Daily Journal Sunday. A great day, I went out for breakfast with the kids and we had a great time, then I came home and read some of the Bible and took a nap. Then the kids called and me and Steve and Kim went for a driving lesson and then we went to the mall and then we had our supper at the Country Buffet. I bought a couple more books that will be of use in my new evening studies.

11/24/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. I finally started in Romans the book Pulpit Commentary in this is much better than I thought it would be, so I am started.

11/25/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. Today I picked up little Steve at school at 12:30 PM and we went out to eat and to the mall for a while, we had a good time this was the first time that we went just the 2 of us. Heís a very good boy he will do well in life; heís one awfully big 13 years old. I think that he is beginning to have a better understanding of me than he ever did. And for this I am very glad.

11/27/97. Daily Journal Thanksgiving. This morning was very nice, I went to Kellyís house for breakfast, it was nice there were people coming out of the walls, but everybody had a good time. The only family that wasnít there was Dannyís, I donít know why that was, but he must have had a good reason.

11/28/97. Daily Journal Black Friday. I got going with Romans and as soon as I got started it went smooth. Today is black Friday.

11/30/97. Daily Journal Sunday.I took out Kim and Steve, we had a real good time, they finished their Christmas shopping they had a portrait made for their parents. It is now residing in my bedroom, what better hiding place? We ate out at the Country Buffet and it was nice. They were kidding each other all day I thoroughly enjoyed from beginning to end.

12/3/97.Daily Journal Wednesday.Today was cold, and windy, I took a ride down and got the gift for Auderyís Baptism. What a sweet child she is.

12/7/97. Daily Journal Sunday. Today is little Audreyís baptism, in fact I just came from Dannyís house, I was right next too Claire in church, and thinking about what we brought about here on the earth. And then there was Woodpile and we had a little talk about how it was that Dan and his Colleen ever got together, he and I used to ride back and forth together to work in the GE while his wife was pregnant for Colleen. And now there is little Evan and Audrey from Dan and Colleen, Brianna was adopted by Danny, for which I am very proud of him. I had a little something to eat up there it was fine, when I was ready to leave, Shayne walked me down the stairs, he had little Michael with him, our family is really growing. It always bothers me when I see them together and Claire is there, but at least I can be thankful that she didnít bring her husband with her.

12/9/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. Dion called at about 20 to 10, well at least he is safe here on the ground, (Flew in from Florida) I asked him to come down tonight, but he is busy with family. I have to make a change nothing else will do, maybe while Dion is here. Who knows?

12/10/97. Wednesday Daily Journal. Today Dion showed up at about 8 AM, he was still drunk from last night, I gave him breakfast that seemed to help, but it didnít shut him up at all, he babbled insently all day. We went to Greenfield to see his father, who seemed like a nice version of Bill. On the way home we stopped at his house in Pittisfield, and it is a very nice place, we talked about my renting it, I am thinking about it. Then we went to the mall and I introduced him to the guy in the catholic gift shop, they seemed to hit it off well. I asked him if he wanted to eat with me and he did, all in all it was a nice way to pass the day. He is supposed to come here tomorrow, maybe another good day, we will see.

12/11/97. Daily Journal Thursday Dion came down again today and we went out to breakfast at the chefís hat, that was nice then we went to my sisterís house and had a little visit. Iíll talk to her about what she thought when we go out next week. After that, we went to the mall and had some coffee, and then we walked around the mall for a while; all the time him chattering incessantly about nothing. Then we came back through Adams and stopped at the Friendly in N. Adams, and had something to eat, he stopped at the house for a minuet and then was gone for maybe another 3 years or so. I was glad to see him for a couple of days. He really can be fun sometimes.

12/12/97 Daily Journal Friday. Dion is now traveling home and probably stopped right now for eating and resting; I would hate to have to do a drive like that. Thirteen hundred miles as fast as you can; Dion says that he makes it in a day and a half, O how tired would you be after that. I donít know and donít want to know. Today was kind of dreary; I hope that it was better where Bill was traveling.I didnít get up until after 11; thatís ridiculous, but I am going to change that starting tomorrow.

12/14/97. Daily Journal Sunday. I didnít go to church, and I should have I will make up for that one way or the other. This morning Kellyís family bowered the truck to get their Christmas tree, thatís all right. Then I went out for my normal ride. I go to the store in VT and from their take a ride to N. Adams. This is part of my daily routine, where else am I going ride too. I did a small amount of work in Romans, too little!

12/15/97. Daily Journal Monday. Today I took my sister to the mall and our usual ride; we had for the most part had good time. I got Shawn an electronic reminder; I hope that he likes it. Today was cold but clear, nice day for a ride, I think that I am just going to stay in from now until Christmas and study.

12/20/97. Daily Journal Friday. I went to Haddad ford and lo and behold I think that they righted this business with this check, I may actually get it?I saw Danny at the mall and we had a very good time together, we had coffee and some laughs. For this month Iím reading the book of Revelation in commentary form by using the World library commentary and this is really making me think about the tribulation period, which I hope to avoid, and that I believe is almost upon me. I have to start to study more and more.

12/22/97. Daily Journal Sunday. This is the second weekend that I have not heard from Brian, I really donít know what he is mad at me for this time, maybe because I am happy to have Christmas with my grandchildren. Today is cold, not very nice for arthritis.

12/22/97 Daily Journal Monday. My sister and I had a problem today, I am just so sick of her running down the truck, that I told her about it, and she didnít like and tried to turn it into something that it was not. I paid $23,000 for this thing and I donít feel good when she decides to run it down. There are a lot of things that she says lately that I donít like to hear, if she doesnít cut it out she is going to find herself driving to the mall alone. I donít like to be upset and she is doing this all the time.

12/23/97. Daily Journal Tuesday. Kim came over today to use the computer for her homework, she can run this machine better than I can, and sheís a character. She is coming over tomorrow to help me get ready for Christmas Eve. We had a snowstorm this morning so Kim and I went out for a ride in it to see how the truck went it went great.

12/24/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. Christmas eve and the kids have just left, they are going to their mothers house. We had a good time it is always good to see them, the pork roast came out better than ever. Little Evan slept he was tired, believe me little Mike made up for him. Brianna was happy with her gifts and littlest of all Audrey was extremely good. My sister called while they were all hear I had to cut her short, I called her back later and she was busy with hers. Kim came over during the day and helped me with everything, Steve gave me a $30 gift certificate for Barnes and Noble, and I really appreciate that.This year has brought us closer together than we have ever been.

12/25/97. Daily Journal Thursday. Christmas. A very long and boring day, I was going to go to Dannyís to eat but Colleen was sick so that finished that, and Kelly didnít invite me over and she knew that I was alone. So what are you going to do? Well at least this Budweiser beer that I borrowed from Bernie is good.

12/26/97. Daily Journal Friday. Today was a very long and boring day indeed, it is now 7:10 and I wish that it was later than it is, today I want this to be my last day of drinking. Tomorrow I want my life to be for our great and loving God, He has done so much for me, Iíd like to give Him the rest of my life. I love you lord, be back tomorrow please help me, I canít do this without you and donít want to even to try to do this alone, all I need is you.

12/27/97. Daily Journal Saturday. Well I spent some time with Brian today we went to the mall, we had a good time, nothing negative came out of him today and that was a vast improvement. He even came back in the evening and we had a few beers together. All in all it turned out to be a good day.

12/28/97. Daily Journal Sunday. I just cane back from Dannyís they gave me a real nice lunch there, it was from Christmas when Colleen was sick and couldnít do it, I expected to see Ron there but he had to work. Today is cold; I thought that I was going to freeze my hands on the railing at Dannyís house.

12/29/97. Daily Journal Monday. The phone rang this morning and lo and behold Bob was on it I was very surprised. I meant him at the mall and we had coffee and laughed and talked, for an hour or so. Then we walked around for a while, I havenít seen him in a few years but he looks good especially compared to me. We had a long talk about the Internet and I think that he is going to go on, that will be interesting.

12/31/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. New Years Eve. Well the end of 1997, for me it wasnít a bad year all in all it was a good year, I completed the Pastor Chuck tapes and I am glad that I accomplished that, but I will never do it again, once was quite enough. I started a new study, from now on; every December I am going to read a different commentary on Revelation, this year I read the Biblical library series. Tomorrow I have all kinds of different studies that I am going to start I will list them tomorrow. I donít know why but for some unknown reason I am looking forward to 98, who knows what this New Year will bring. Maybe I will learn to get along with people better, and most important draw nearer to God; this is what I want most out of this year. Iíve resolved now to never drink again.

††††††††††† Second entry. It is about 7:30 PM we just had a power outage for about 45 minuets, it was not fun; it was completely black in here. I couldnít orient my self to the place. I finally got a candle lit, and that took a bit of doing, I could not see or sense nothing and I am completely familiar with this place, I canít imagine if you were in a place that you didnít know; youíd be lost. It was not a good experience. It lasted 45 minuets and I hated every second of it.The dark played tricks on my poor vision; I didnít know where Iíd put my glasses down; from the kitchen I thought someone was standing in the bathroom just looking out at me. I was just getting to go for a ride just to get out of here when it came back on, (the power) so I just stayed home. A unique new Years experience, I bet you that this never happens on a New Years Eve ever again, what do you think?

1/3/98. Daily Journal Saturday. Debbieís birthday; I called her last night to wish her happy birthday, we didnít talk very long she was busy.

1/7/97. Daily Journal Wednesday. I went to breakfast with Steve we had a good time, we went to Friendlys; I just seemed to fool around for the rest of the day, another wasted day hopefully this will end tomorrow if tomorrow ever comes you know what I mean? No!

1/9/98. Daily Journal Friday. I did a little study in 1st John it was good, the rest of the day was at best boring. It was damp and foggy, not very nice, no sun broke through at all, a good day to sleep; some time I am going to do that, just stay in bed. I watched a lot of Sunny Bonoís funeral Chere gave a nice talk about their early life together, Chastity was also there, but didnít say anything.††

1/10/98. Daily Journal Saturday. Well not a good day at all I am disappointed because the kids are not going to go with me tomorrow. I was really looking forward to taking them out, but these things happen, of course it will depress me what else is new? Tomorrow a lot of study and thatís just the start, and it will continue until this coming spring.

1/15/98. Daily Journal Thursday. I took my sister to the mall, this is the day that Bernie left for Viet Nam, it was good for her to get out. And she was grateful for me coming up to get her. He has a very good paying job, but all that traveling I would hate, he will be gone for about 2 weeks. But we passed the day and had a good time to boot. Today it was very cold and as the day went by it seemed to get colder, tonight it is supposed to be bad out with snow and rain. Tomorrow I probably wonít go out at all, if I am smart. I bought about $55 worth of books on prophecy; I think that I will do a commentary on each of them and some others like them that I have recently bought.

12/17/98. Daily Journal Saturday. Today I went to the mall with Brian and saw Kelley, and Kim when I was getting something to eat and then I saw my sister and Chip and Janet. Didnít really do any shopping we just walked around, and had some good times.

1/18/98 Daily Journal Sunday. I took my sister out to eat and too the mall and the grocery store we had a good time. Chip says that I look real old, he doesnít see me very much and any change under those circumstances really show. I am not getting the chess moves from Danny like I should be, maybe he just doesnít want to do this I should not push him thatís not right.

1/19/98. Daily Journal Monday. Today I did something very different for me; I went out for a ride and went to what used to be Shaperio Chevy. I was looking for a 2-door regular size car they sell Chevyís and Olds, I didnít find one and the kid working there said that they had a Corvette on hand. So I went in to look at that, he was all excited, believe me. Once inside somebody said my name, and I didnít recognize him, he told me that he knew me but I did not recognize him, it was Larry Bodrou. A guy from a long gone time, he brought back a lot of memories from a long dead time, a life that is completely different from my life as it is now. It affected me kind of funny, I donít know, that was a different place in my life; I was not at all as I am now. So it was a very different kind of a day for me. Now all I want to do is to live for God and Jesus, I donít know how long ago it was that this all started. I must get back to that way of thinking, please Lord I need your help. I donít know why all this way of living has changed, it really hasnít but then something is wrong; my Father in Heaven, please help me to get back.

1/20/98. Tuesday Daily Journal. Today I did some work in Timothy, tomorrow I will finish it, every day I will increase my time at these studies. Brian just called it is now 6:30 PM he is going to eat with me Thursday, that will be nice. Today I bought some wine maybe it is better than beer for me, we will see.

1/25/98. Daily Journal Sunday. Today I talked to Shawn about doing e-mail, he didnít seem to be excited about doing this, in fact he seemed to want me off the phone and this was not the first time I have had this feeling. This upset me, I should not have let this happen but it did, I guess I wasnít a very good father figure to him. I do love him so and that only makes it worse. What have I done! Other than all of that I had a good day, I went out to breakfast with Kelley and her family. And then we went down and played pool all afternoon. We had a good time.

1/26/98. Daily Journal Monday. Today was a good day; little Steve and me went to N. Adams and played pool for the afternoon. Then we ate at the Misty Moonlight. We had a great time. The kids here had the day off, I have no idea why, but it made my day better.

2/3/98. Daily Journal Tuesday. Well I didnít do anything that I thought was of any consequence at all. I donít know how I do this, some days like this one I can kind of look back over the day and I canít even remember what I did because I did nothing of merit at all.

2/8/98. Daily Journal Sunday. I went out and took Brian with me and was sorry for it, he can find more things wrong with me than anyone I know. So I have nothing to say today, I am getting tired of him. Then he calls me back later and apologizes, my question is why did he say these things in the first place, and why do I put up with this stuff. Maybe I will have something better to say tomorrow.

2/9/98. Daily journal Monday. I read some of my old Journals they are better than these, maybe tomorrow they will get better. I must change, this canít keep up, and it must change. God please help me to get back on track.

2/14/98. Daily Journal Saturday. I have a brand new disease; it is called eyeritus. And it is very painful, and makes you very light sensitive and that hurts. It is very hard to drive when it is bright outside.

2/15/98 Daily Journal Sunday. Morning entry, the heat was off but in only half the house the den and bathroom and the front room were cold while the rest of it was alright, Dennis came right over as usual. We talked about the possibility of making the chessboard portable; he thinks he can do it. That would be nice for the summer. Today is very cold but the sun is shining very nicely.

2/21/98 Daily Journal Saturday. Today Brian came down and took me to the mall, I appreciate that, but he always has something dopey to say. Well at least he came and drove me. Later Steve came over to do homework, we had a good time after we figured everything out, and it took a while. It seem as if my world is on the verge of war, and I mean for real, I donít know what it is all about but I do know that it could happen, I am closer than I have ever been.

2/26/98 Daily Journal Thursday. I took my sister to the mall and shopping today, we had a good day that was nice. I got some E-mail from Dion telling me that he was all right, they had tornadoes where he is, and I was worried about him and his family. Tomorrow I dive into my studies.

3/5/98. Daily journal Thursday. I am trying to arrange for me, Louie, Harry and Woodpile to meet each other at the mall for coffee this Sunday weather I will succeed or not is the question. Today I had some laser surgery, it was the worst so far, and I have had this 2 times before in the right eye, this was in the left. For the next few days I am just going to stay in and do some study and fellowship with God and his Son.

3/12/98. Daily Journal Thursday. I have decided that tomorrow is it, lets see. It is very cold outside, and windy not nice at all. I went to get gas and Art was telling a story of his childhood that mirrored mine very closely, about my fathers drinking and his being the same. It is interesting actually.

3/15/98. Daily Journal Tuesday. Last night, what a night; I slept beautifully till about 2AM then woke gasping for breath wide-awake. I swear it felt like someone was sitting on my chest and stopping my breath but there was no one. I was sick in the bathroom then actually fell asleep on the floor by the toilet! Before I fell asleep I remember watching through the small window above my sink big snowflakes falling.This morning I was so sore I thought I shouldnít get up but just stay there and wait for my end.I feel so sick today. I am thinking that things must change.

3/19/98 Thursday Daily Journal. Today was a good day I got a lot of catch up done with my regular readings, other than that didnít do much of anything, other than going for a little ride. I took 3 naps for some reason, as much as I sleep I couldnít be tired. I am going to try to get up much earlier than I have been, I just lay there after I go to the bathroom and drop off for another 2 hours, I donít know maybe itís the sugar, which is going to kill me and it will be my fault.

3/23/98 Daily Journal Monday. Today first thing I took the truck to see what is wrong with it but they didnít know what is causing the noise in the back. Then I left there to take my sister out and we had a good day. Here it is 10:06 PM and I want to get drunk for the last time, I guess we will see.
My games with Gus are going well, we are at about move 10.

3/24/98. Daily Journal Tuesday. Today I went up to the Ford place and tried out a 94 Thunderbird it was a very nice car, but I really canít afford another car right now. The rest of the day was spent with our Lord first some reading and then some study in 1st Corinthians, and it really went well. I came online now to see if there were any messages but there werenít.

3/25/98. Daily Journal Wednesday. The weather today was very nice about 50 degrees. I went out for a little ride, I sure do like my new truck, and I am really looking forward to this summer. I bought some mats for the back of the truck, they will protect it from scratches; especially, as I am going to use the truck to help Shayne move this weekend. I didnít do any studying, but tomorrow I will make up for that. I simply want to give what is left of my life to the Lord, and LORD I am going to try very hard to do just that.

3/30/98. Daily Journal Monday. Today is Shawnís birthday, and he is 33 years old, it seems like only yesterday that I brought him home from the hospital and put him down in his little bed, what joy that day was! Today is nice and sunny and warm.

3/31 98 Daily Journal Tuesday. You will never guess what happened a couple of hours ago publishers clearing house called and told me that I was in the running for 3.5 million and a Ford Explorer or 45 thousand dollars. I certainly hope that I get it but we will see. And I know that if it happens it will only be by the will of God and he will want me to do some good with it.

4/12/98 Sunday Daily Journal. I went to Shayneís new place it is very nice, I told him what I planned to do with the truck. After, I went to Kellyís for a ham dinner; she cooks very well indeed.

4/15/98. Wednesday Daily Journal. Well today basically I waited for the truck from Publishers Clearing House but it is 6 PM and so far nothing and that is probably the way that it will stay. O well at least I had some nice fantasies about what I would do with the money. Other than that I did do some study in Corinthians which went very well. I havenít got any E-Mail from Dion, I wonder what I did to him? I finally have the reading caught up right where it should be, and I am going to keep it there.

4/16/98. Thursday Daily Journal. I just got done writing to Dion. He doesnít seem to respond very well on weekends. I took my sister to the mall and Stop and Shop today; we had a good time. The weather was very nice all day. I didnít feel to good today. Maybe Iíll get better as the summer takes hold hopefully.

5/19/98 Tuesday Daily Journal. Sorry about such a longbreak, so many things have happened for instance I had a problem with my bills namely the truck insurance. Arthur at B+L Gulf came to my aid and then I tried Paul; they both helped me and I had been running Paul down for my own reasons that were stupid. And Art he has always been there for me, for many years. Please remember these things Pat they are important. I must stop tomorrow we will see, why donít I just do this then I can brag about it and thatís stupid also but I will probably do it any way.

5/30/98 Saturday Daily Journal. Well I am back again I find it hard to keep up with while doing this every day chat with Dion. But life is going on even with that this guy could make anyone nuts. Now he is convinced that it is somehow my fault that we get disconnected, so he should start harping on that like he did the instant messenger, I get tired of him a lot of times. All he wants to ever talk about is the great catching away; there are no signs of this happening. He always asks me about this I have answered him in every way possible, but when I talk to him tonight at 6 he will find a way to ask about it again what else is new.

7/13/98 Monday Daily Journal. Sorry I havenít made any entries lately. Kim is in Florida visiting her Uncle Jack. A couple of weeks ago I had a stroke and it has messed up my vision but maybe I will be all right, who knows only God knows.I will have to pray and work on it myself; my faith is in God.

7/17/98 Daily Journal Friday. Well tonight Dion was not on. Ah, thatís all right. I am feeling better from the stroke, not so tired all the time. Brian is mad at me because I told him the truth. I especially donít need him to judge me in my life. I talked to Art for a while today, he doesnít want to work but what can he do?

8/13/1998 Daily Journal Thursday. As you can see I have had another lag, this new way of doing my daily reading should cure that. I am going to finally start my own commentary on Jeremiah; I feel the time has finally come; it should be interesting especially when I get back here next year at this time. So we start in Jeremiah ch.1. In verse 5 God says that even before He formed Jeremiah in the belly He knew him. This stops people from talking about abortion as just cutting out a piece of flesh and no more, God says that is a child from the very moment of conception. Jeremiah is complaining about how he canít do this because he is only a child, but God says you will go to where I will send you, and what I tell you to say you will say it. We are to do as God tells us even if we donít understand, I have no idea why I am doing these writings but I believe with all that I am that they are Godís will for me. Therefore I am to do them, it is not for me to question but to do, and I am going to do just that. From verse 11 to the end of the chapter is a prophecy that is for now. An evil is breaking forth upon us, this is meant for today.

Jeremiah 2. God asks why have you turned from following me and gone after gods that are no god. Why have we walked away from God? Why do we eagerly take all of the blessings that He gives us but then go away from Him and follow after things that are nothing, trying to give them the credit for what God has given us. We are so foolish. God says when trouble comes then I will turn back to Him. And God says then let these other gods that you worship save you.

Jeremiah 3. God says we are as a wife that goes with others and then wants Him to take us back again. God says He is merciful and will not be angry forever. He calls us backsliders. God says He will give us pastors that will feed us with His Word. And this is what we need here and now. We are backsliders. We are going directly against His teachings and we should be ashamed, but we are not because we are fools.

8/27/98 Daily Journal Monday. Jeremiah chapter 4. God is saying come back to me and be happy. He says break up thy fallow ground, and open your hearts to me. Why donít we? God wants our love and he wants us to come to Him through His Son, why donít we do these things? Are we fools? What He offers us is incomprehensible. And we will follow something or someone else every time. God is talking about a destruction that is to come on us because we will not listen. Look what He has done for us and look what we are doing in return. We treat Him terribly. From verse 23 on to the end of this chapter God is speaking of a terrible destruction. In Ecclesiastes verse 9-11. It says [see, there is nothing new under the sun], [10 Is there anything where of it may be said. See this is new? It has already been of old time, which was before us]. In Ephesians God says of us I have known you before the foundations of the earth. In the beginning of Jeremiah God says to him I knew you before I formed you in the belly.

8/30/98 Thursday Daily Journal. Tomorrow I leave for Debbieís wedding. Jeremiah chapter 5. God says if I can find any man that is seeking the truth, and right judgment; I will pardon it. God wants to forgive us and help us He does not want us to fail so he can punish us. He loves us. And He says even though they are saying the Lord liveth they are lying and this is true of many people even though they say praises to God and Jesus they are in reality lying even to themselves. What a fool Iíve been. God is angry and is saying what will happen to them and probably us for the rebellion that is our way, He says that they will be destroyed by a nation that they donít even understand their language. The language of truth spoken by the nation of understanding; incomprehensible to the ears of the fool! God is saying the people go against me. Why shouldnít I judge them? In the last verse God is saying that the prophets prophesy falsely, what are people doing but exactly this they talk about Godís word and they twist it to say what they want it to say. I would hate to be the people when they have to stand before God and answer Him about what they said about His Holy Word. They lie about everything they are sickening, I sometimes wonder why we are still here. And God hasnít just wiped us out.

8/26/98. Daily Journal Wednesday. Debbieís wedding was wonderful; her and Kelly looked so nice in their gowns. Debbie looked like an angel. Everything was great where we ate our breakfasts was terrific; all the meals were very good. Steve drove my truck down without a hitch, it preformed very well. The rooms were very nice and I enjoyed mine, after we were done doing all the things that we did at night I was able to have my beer everyone was good about everything. Colleen was great to me, she went way out of her way to see to it that I had my beer, she didnít have to do that, she helped me with my suit, she was there for me when I needed someone. Robin Nugent has really grown up into quite a woman. From the time that she heard about the stroke and its affects on my eyes she was at my right side to assist me in any way that she could especially with steps and things of that sort. It was a really nice event all the kids were there, Shawn was a little distant but thatís the way things are I suppose. Shayne is unhappy in his marriage, if I in some way could help I would, but there is nothing that I can do. So Debie is married, I pray that she is happy, as we know life is sometimes very hard. Jeremiah chapter 6. This starts by talking about the evil of all people. God says His word to us is a reproach, and we have no delight in it. He is very angry with us. He says that from the prophet to the priest everyone deals falsely. God says to walk in he old paths, that it is best for us, but we will not and He says if you donít come back to me you will be destroyed very cruelly.

Daily Journal 8/27/98 Thursday. Today is the fifth anniversary of the day I worked for the last time, I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. I never thought that I would end up as well as I have, but thanks to our Lord I am all right all the way around. Now all I have to do all my days is what He will have of me. Please Lord with your help I can do this, but only with your help can I so with this I ask your help in Jesusí name.
Jeremiah chapter 7.God is saying that you cannot come and stand before me, and say that you are delivered from all our abominations. Many people think that so long as they say the right words before God they can get away with anything. You cannot just mouth words; you have to be sincere in what you are saying. I truthfully think we are on the verge of the end; maybe even now we have gone to far and canít be stopped. Please Lord let me say only what you will have me to say, in Jesus name I ask all these things.

Daily Journal Monday 8/31/98. Jeremiah chapter 8. God says the people are bad and their priests and prophets are false. We have turned from God and we do not want to go back, we are corrupt. We donít care what we do to people. And here is something very interesting, here it says, people will be saying, [Peace Peace when there is no peace]. This is also said in the New Testament, maybe this is meant for us just about now. And God also says [The things that I have given them shall also pass away].

Daily Journal 9/3/98. Today the weather is nice, as it has been all summer. I am looking forward to this weekend; it should be a very full one. I do like this new study. Jeremiah Chapter 9: God is upset with us all. This chapter is a prophecy of the end of our world. He talks about feeding us with wormwood. This is like waters that are made bitter.

9/23 Daily Journal Wednesday. We are starting into fall; today is a perfect fall day, nice and crisp. I was out for a little while this morning; it was very nice. Jeremiah chapter 10: First Jeremiah is praising the Lord, which he deserves; God has done so many wondrous things for us in the world. How much more wonderful will the next one be?Then is the judgement of mankind talked about, from which no one will escape. That time is not too far away, in fact it is upon us and we better do everything we can to be ready, Paul says we should be praying always. This is what we must do for our own benefit.

12/29/98 Daily Journal Tuesday Christmas was nice it is always nice to have all, the family together for the holidays. But still it is a very lonely time for me, all the old memories come back sometimesbringing tears. You would think that that would stop after all the years, but it doesnít seem too. As for me I am glad that the holidays are over. Kim and Steve gave me some sweaters. Last night I actually had a conversation with Claire. It is to bad that it had to be about Taraís accusation against her. What a foolish thing to ever say. I think Shayne is going to have trouble with her as long as they are together.

Jeremiah chapter 12 Jeremiah wants to know why the wicked prosper and do so well, and they deal so treacherously with people. Jeremiah wants the Lord to pull them out for the day of slaughter. They have ruined the Lordís vineyard. There are many like this today just as there were in the days of Paul. Jeremiah says when the time comes the sword of the Lord shall devour them. Frightening indeed. What bothers me is how can I continue to do these things if I know these scriptures, because of my knowledge of the Bible, how can I not know the truth.

† 12/30/98 Daily Journal. Well the end of the year is coming, one more day. I wonder what strange visitors 99 will bring?1/4/99 Daily Journal Monday. Yesterday was Debbieís 25th birthday.

Jeremiah chapter 13. The Lord has Jeremiah get a linen girdle and hide it under a rock in the river. And after many days God told him to go and put the girdle on and it was a mess it was ruined. This represents how we will be. We will be destroyed in the future. The rest of the chapter talks of our destruction. And God says at the end donít they ever learn? It doesnít seem so.

Daily Journal 1/21/99 Thursday. A lot of things have happened in my life up till now I could have not planed this no matter what. There has to be a God in charge of everything. I mean just my own life has had so many twists and turns. So many times I should have died itís amazing that I am even here in 99. I love my children but I know that for the most part they donít have a clue as to what really goes on inside of me. I want to be of help to them, but sadly I canít. Thatís my only frustration. I was considering moving to Florida but I have put that thought away. How do I take my grand children out to breakfast on Sundays from 1300 miles away? I am going to try to keep this up to date from now on.

Second entry 3AM. Drunk.

Here I am thinking about changing things in my life. I was thinking if it was 1963 when I was 21 and Claire was 18. I was trying to remember what it was like then. And how I could change my life. You canít change the past, you must change what is the now of your life. I have a great life before me but only if I am smart enough too reach for it. So why donít I? I think tomorrow I will. Please Lord I need your help to change from a nut to what I can and want to be for you. All I can say is that I loved Claire all my adult life, and wish that I had been a better husband to her than I was. When I was a child my father called me a fool. That comes back to me now; sometimes, it affected me very badly. I have never forgotten that day. I wish it wasnít so but I am sure sometimes that is the way that my son in law Steve thinks of me, and many of my children also think of me. I love them so much, but perhaps I still, I am the fool my father thought me to be. I loved him, but even after all these years I really donít know how he felt about me.

Daily Journal 2-5-99 I went to breakfast with Paul and then to the mall, we had a good time, we always do. I am so glad that he has moved near me, he is about the best friend that I ever had.

Daily Journal 2-6-99. Sunday. I went to breakfast with Paul and Barb today, they have their new computer. Danny came down and helped them out.

Daily Journal 2-16-99 Tuesday. I was watching mash the 1 where the girl gets killed and they read her diary, and that made me think of this sitting idle. Well I think that I will work on it more than I do. My life is going along very well, I just wish that I would do more than I do for our Lord. Maybe today will be a new start for me. I need you Lord I canít do it alone.

Daily Journal 2-22-99 Monday. Today I was telling L. about the dog attacking me and he was laughing. I donít know what to think of that, doesnít seem to be the reaction you would expect. Sometimes I call people and they seem as though they canít wait to get rid me, well they have their lives and I am not part of them anymore. So I just go along and do the best I can. I do wish that Jesus would come for us.

††††††††††† Daily Journal 2-24-99 Wednesday tonight I was watching Star trek and it reminded me of my marriage. There were years that we were very happy but not always. There was the night I came home and to my surprise Louie was there ready to taker Claire to the carnival. And she went off because I was home to take care of Shawn. She was using him but he didnít know till the last minute. I was remembering when I would call her from Spragueís wanting to come home because I didnít feel good the answer was always the same NO! it didnít matter what I had. O well what are you going to do? Another boring entry.

Daily Journal 8-31-00 Thursday (addendum)
On 3-15-99 Patrick C. Johnson died in the ICU at NARH in the early morning around 2AM.of complications R/T Diabetes.

Rest in peace dad,
Love Dan.

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